Mysterious Lonely
2004-03-27 - 12:47 a.m.

Andy says there’s a secret to eating alone. The secret, according to him, is to just look mysterious. Take a briefcase, wear a trenchcoat, speak in hushed tones. Tonight, I decided to try it. I put on my fedora and my black coat, and I carried my cheap briefcase. I went to McDonald’s, and ordered so quietly that I had to repeat myself.

I sat by myself in the corner booth, and tried to look as inscrutable as possible. I felt very Bogart.

I had just finished my cheeseburger when the door opened again. A lone man walked in, stepped up to the counter and placed his order. I couldn’t hear what he said. He got his food and sat down. He wasn’t wearing a hat, and he wasn’t carrying a briefcase. He carried a newspaper, which he spread across the table, alternately looking at it and staring out the window.

His table looked awfully empty. I guess he didn’t look mysterious enough.