Not Today
2004-03-14 - 11:55 p.m.

Someday, I’m going to have to decide what to do with my life.

When that day comes, I’m going to drop everything and decide, and, after I do, I’m not going to look back.

I’m going to forget about everyone back here, all my friends and all my family. I’m going to make believe they never existed, that I was born not of a mother but of the ethereal void from whence so many believe the matter that formed the world came.

I’m going to stop whining about how bad things are, and I’m going to set my mind to fixing them all. I’m going to take the best years of my life back, and I’m going to make them pay for all the suffering they’ve caused me.

I’m going to leave it all behind and disappear in a cloud of smoke, and no one will remember me, and everyone will wish that they did. They’ll all look at me and think, “I wish I knew him”, and they won’t even remember that they used to, long ago, in another life.

Someday, I’m going to stop writing down my stupid dreams, and I’m going to give up and live a life I’m not happy with just because that’s what everyone else does, and I don’t want to rock the boat.

Someday, I will die, and I will never have to worry about all this again.

Someday, but not today.