Scars
2003-09-24 - 11:36 p.m.

Scars

Legend has it that King Arthur would not abide laziness or cowardice. Once, after a long, arduous battle with the enemy, a man is said to have approached Arthur and to have congratulated him on his leadership. The story goes that the ruler ignored the man’s flattering words entirely, and instead looked over his skin and armor. Seeing that his armor was not rent, his sword was not bloody, and his skin was unblemished, the great king looked the man in the eye and said, “Go from me, and return not until you have your scar.”

I have never fought the infidel hoards, neither has my blade riven a man from throat to thigh. I have never wielded mighty Excalibur, or fought Lancelot, but don’t look away just yet.

This is where it cut me when you pretended I didn’t exist. Can you see the white lines? That’s right where you stuck the knife when you used my heart as a whetstone. I’m certain the blade is sharp now.

This is where it burned when I watched you destroy yourself, where the flames still burn hot as Hell. This is when I tried to tell you what was wrong, but you wouldn’t listen, or didn’t care. This is were I brought it on myself, and this is where you brought the pain to me.

This place used to be tender, until it was rubbed the wrong way too many times. Now it’s callused, and it can’t feel a thing. Someday, given time, the calluses may break, and the skin may soften, but only time will truly tell.

See this swollen heart, this hurting soul, this shivering spirit? All remnants of battles I have fought. Some I have brought upon myself, and some that have been brought upon me, each one leaving its mark forever. Some I have won, and some I have lost, but each one has subtly shaped my destiny.

So, Arthur, if you can hear me, I may never slay a dragon, and I may never fight to preserve a kingdom. You may well be the great warrior-king, but if you were here, I would show you that I am no coward myself. I will love, though love has broken me before, and I will feel, despite the fickleness of feeling. I will open myself, no matter what the risk, because I believe that the cause is worth the battle, that the banner is worth the suffering, and that the ends are worth the means.

I will fight, because I believe the victory is worth the scars.